On Grief

In late winter 2025, I recorded a piece for a symposium on invisible loss and disenfranchised grief. When I was first approached to do this piece, I imagined a soundscape of tabla, perhaps with a gentle rain sound as the backdrop. I had worked with the topic of grief, as we all have, for many years, so I was drawn to creating a soundscape that specifically brought out some of my feelings on grief and loss. I was asked to also incorporate some beautiful classical-style guitar performed by Grayson Zuber, and as soon as I heard his wonderful playing, I knew I had to let that be the instrumental focus of the recording. 

I had been listening to the many sounds of birds calling and early spring arriving outside my studio windows in Buffalo, and found myself then creating a static backdrop for this piece, which I certainly heard as rain. A few sheets of different textures of plastic through a microphone modified by some effects pedals from Chase Bliss, and I was up and running with a virtual rain factory. I then simply layered Grayson’s playing on top of that backdrop, which I had also added some bells and very low volume tabla to. Nearing the end of the piece, I wanted to emphasize a feeling of disconnect—something akin to a long-distance phone call where the connection is not quite there, and eventually the conversation fades into a cascade of tones, echoes, and indistinguishable voices.

Tabla always brings water to mind for me, and either oceanic undulations of rhythm or waterfall cascades. The piece ends with a simple rhythmic loop of tabla and shakers along with a few space bells by Morfbeats. I feel this work is a doorway leading to a new musical horizon for me personally. It is very much a rough sketch that has inspired me to get back to the drawing board with recording and sound collage-oriented art. I am really considering this work a pivot back to recording and possibly releasing some sound work or initiating new sound installations. It will be exciting to see what evolves out of this draft.